Cybergrooming: How parents can protect their children

Cybergrooming is not a trivial offense - the perpetrators pose as children or young people and gain the trust of the young victims.

As the Lower Saxony State Criminal Police Office warns via Facebook , children and young people are exposed to many dangers on the Internet. One of them is so-called cybergrooming. Strangers target children and young people online - often with sexual intentions.

The perpetrators pose as children, teenagers or young adults and try to gain the trust of their young victims.

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We recommend that you talk openly with your children about the topic and give them tips. Parents can advise their child to be suspicious if, for example, the online acquaintance:

• Lots of compliments,
• offers to take model photos,
• asks if the child chats alone,
• requires personal data and images,
• has an unreliable profile without photos,
• the child asks to turn on the webcam and leaves their own off,
• demands not to tell anyone about the conversations and contact,
• wants to meet secretly.

In these cases, caution is advised!

You can find more information and tips .

Cybergrooming in detail:

With “cyber grooming”, (male) adults gain the trust of children and young people on the Internet in order to sexually harass or abuse them. The contact usually begins harmlessly with conversations about school, hobbies or computer games. The perpetrators act emphatically understanding and often pretend to be their peers . After a while, photos are requested - initially harmless pictures ("You're so pretty, do you have any more pictures?"), later nude photos. The groomers often send their own nude photos to their young chat partners.

Some “groomers” use a different scam: they pose as modeling agents or talent scouts and promise the young people that they will make them famous. In gaming portals or in game chats, the perpetrators appear as professional gamers who supposedly want to help young people be more successful in computer games. Another grooming strategy: The perpetrators promise the children a reward if they, for example, B. Send naked pictures – in the form of money, vouchers or “continuing gambling” in a computer game.

What does the law say about cyber grooming?

In Austria, grooming is  punishable according to §208a initiating sexual contacts with minors . Groomers can therefore face a prison sentence of up to two years.

In Germany, prohibited as a special form of sexual abuse of children under the age of 14 according to Section 176 Paragraph 4 of the Criminal Code and is punished with a prison sentence of three months to five years:

a) induce the child to engage in sexual acts
shall be punished with a prison sentence of three months to
five years which is intended to be carried out on or in front of the perpetrator or a third person or to be carried out by the perpetrator or a third person, or b) to commit an offense in accordance with Section 184b paragraph 1 number 3 or in accordance with Section 184b paragraph 3, or
4. influences a child by showing pornographic images or representations, by playing sound recordings with pornographic content, by making pornographic content accessible using information and communication technology or by making corresponding speeches.”

In Switzerland, the Federal Council was commissioned in 2011 to submit a proposal that would criminalize grooming. However, this was written off on September 27, 2013 because it had been “pending” for more than two years.

Which children are at risk?

Cyber ​​grooming can girls and boys alike . While a few years ago it was mainly young people in their teens who were victims, today elementary school students can also be at risk. Certain risk factors can promote grooming, but do not necessarily have to lead to it:

• Children are looking for adults they can trust. Children initially experience it as empowering when strangers find them pretty, great and attractive. This flatters them and therefore they often stay on task. This is especially the case if those affected have hardly any positive experiences in their immediate environment: difficulties at school, no close friends, thick atmosphere or little affection at home. Children whose parents are often absent (both physically and mentally) can also be affected.
• Children with no online experience . If parents deny their children access to the Internet and cell phones out of well-intentioned caution, they will later lack the experience of dealing with sensitive online situations. If they are contacted by a potential perpetrator, they often don't have a suitable strategy to unmask them - they simply don't know how to help themselves.
• Children without awareness of the problem. Sometimes children lack a natural gut feeling when it comes to judging situations on the Internet as “weird” (“Something’s wrong here!”). Especially if the perpetrator e.g. For example, if someone lures you with a reward for a nude photo, only the subjective advantages are often seen. This makes it all the more important to talk to children about cyber grooming in advance and to raise their awareness of the problem.

How can I protect my child from cyber grooming?

• Promote trust. Take an interest in your child’s world – online and offline – and talk about it together! Show your child that they can turn to you if they have problems online without being punished straight away.
• Create problem awareness. Talk to your child about the fact that not everyone online has good intentions and how you might be able to tell. Also explain that other users are not always who they say they are.
• Avoid bans. Many parents forbid their child from contacting strangers on the Internet out of concern - but in the age of Instagram, Snapchat, Musical.ly & Co., this is unrealistic. Remember: young users these days always into contact with strangers on the Internet!
• Strengthen gut feeling. Encourage your child to listen to their gut feeling if they find something unpleasant - this could even be the “horrible” kiss from their great aunt.
• Practice saying “no.” Train your child to ward off groomers - with statements such as: E.g. “Leave me alone!”, “I don’t want that!”, “What you’re doing is forbidden!”, “I’ll report this to the police/I’ll report you!” Children and young people defend themselves from the start against advance attempts, they quickly become uninteresting to potential perpetrators.
• Protect personal information and photos. Make it clear to your child that personal information such as address, school, cell phone number, etc. should never be passed on to people they only know online - the same applies to photos. Always handle children's photos carefully, even within the family - e.g. For example, your child's bathtub photos have no place on Instagram, Facebook & Co.!
• Only meet in public. Agree with your child that he or she will only meet an online acquaintance in public places (e.g. cinema center, café, etc.) and that he or she will definitely let you know beforehand. If possible, accompany your offspring and stay within sight.
• Stay calm! Talk to your child about cyber grooming as matter-of-factly and calmly as possible and don't panic. Children should not have the feeling that they have to protect their parents - otherwise they will not turn to them when the need arises.

My child is being sexually harassed online – what can I do?

• Offer help. Be there for your child and don't blame him - it's never the child's fault, but the person who is harassing the child!
• Report and block. Cyber ​​groomers should be blocked immediately on the respective social network or reported to the site operator. For detailed instructions, see our social media privacy guides .
• Preserve evidence. If a case is brought against the groomer, evidence is necessary. Therefore, screenshots should be taken and messages saved - even if you would prefer not to have anything to do with them in the situation.
• Show. Report the perpetrator to the nearest police station. Please refer specifically to §208a initiation of sexual contacts with minors .
• Create a new account. If you still have a bad feeling or are afraid of the groomer after being harassed, it may make sense to delete the old account on the social network. In the newly created account, your child should pay attention right from the start about what content they share with others and who they accept as online contacts.
• Reflect. After some time, talk again about how the grooming situation came about. Why did your child trust the perpetrator? What “rewards” were promised? What can and should your child do if a similar online situation arises again (confide in you!)? How can you as a parent better support your child in the future (show more interest, have more time, etc.)?
• Searching for help. Don't be afraid to seek professional help in this stressful situation! You can find contacts to advice centers here .

You might also be interested in: Children and smartphones: When is the right time for your first cell phone?

Article image: Shutterstock / By Burdun Iliya